So Saturday night we went to a cop party. It was a good time; I finally got to meet a bunch of the other deputies whose names I hear all the time. I made J stick to one nickname per guy though, so I could keep them straight. Bear was throwing the party. Junior was there early, but he'd taken J's shift so J could get his drink on. J in turn took one of Junior's shifts so he could go to a Bengals' game. Rob the terrorist, the only non-deputy there; he's Ohio State Patrol. Beetlejuice wasn't there but I did hear stories. Some of the other guys are just referred to by their last names, so I won't reveal them here. All of their wives were there too, which was a little disconcerting at first. They are all pretty blondes. One looked like a Barbie doll, no joke. Another one looked like Britney Spears. There was only one other brunette wife. At one point, I am talking to one of the wives (they were very accepting and started chatting with me almost immediately.) and Troy keeps saying "Amy" just loud enough that I'll think they're talking about me across the patio. So I of course look over. I'm not drunk, like he is, so I can hear him. The third time he does it, I look up and he says "So this one time, at Band Camp..." and I think they're making an innuendo about whether or not I....attend to my own needs???
Let's be honest, if any of you have been around a group of cops, whether or not they're drinking, the conversation ALWAYS turns to sex. Always.
Always. In fact, Junior says "I probably know more about you than you think I know." I returned with "And I probably know just as much about you. He comes home and tells me that tonight's stories were about who likes to get spanked." Then Rob the terrorist comes up and says "All I know is I want to see this little Bo Peep getup." My smartass replies with "Eh, it's more of a Dorothy outfit." And Bobby, I mentioned that I read you like to see a girl in your uniform shirt. I got a lot of "yeah that's hot" replies.
But then I realize that they're actually saying that I look like Alison Hannigan, who plays Michelle the band geek in American Pie. You may also know her as Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Which, according to Troy, is good because she's "Smokin' Hot"...I am not of that mind. (Well OK maybe in that last link) I'd rather they said I looked like Angelina Jolie or something...oh well. And I don't even have red hair anymore! But I guess it's better than saying I look like shit.
Anyway, J got quite lit, all the guys shared plenty of bathroom humor stories, and I finally got a bunch of faces to go with a bunch of names. So all in all it was a GREAT night. J hasn't worked since that night though so I don't know yet if I passed the test, since everybody there already knew each other.
-Miss American Pie....