Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Badge Wife

I love how doing a search for “cop’s wife” on google gives me some blogs, and a million articles about murdered cop’s wives. That’s reassuring.

“mechanic held for teasing cop’s wife.” “Find the cop’s wife chopped up inside.” “Murder of cop’s wife” “Criminals shoot cop’s wife, commit robbery” “A cop’s wife found dead” “militants behead cop’s wife, daughter” “slain cop’s wife”...

and then there’s this one...”cop’s wife in prostitution racket”....um, what!

Anyway I was looking for other cop's wife websites, and found these three blogs:

http://storiesofacopswife.blogspot.com This girl sounds like ‘Benetar’, Rob the Terrorist’s wife.

And then I found this:

http://onduty.tripod.com/8.htm WHAT IS A COP'S WIFE?

A cop's wife is a woman who is married to a man who is "married" to his job, his partner and his badge.

A cop's wife can usually be found cooking breakfast at midnight, picking up his uniforms at the cleaners and spending nights alone.

A cop's wife must be a good listener, and not question him. She must be understanding when he goes out for a beer with his buddies, doesn't feel like taking her to the movies, or has an exam to study for.

A cop's wife must live with shift work, lonely holidays, bad jokes, ulcers and alcohol, bulletproof vests and fixed incomes. She is used to words like rape, robbery, assault and child abuse. She is familiar with night school, stakeouts, overtime, and being on her own.

Most women are not born or raised to be a cop's wife; it is something that they have chosen to do. Some can and others cannot.

She will spend each day learning, listening to and loving a man that few people respect and most others often hate.

A cop's wife makes beds, breakfasts and love to a man who spends more time with junkies, hookers, informants, pimps and partners than he does with her. She attends dinners, meetings and sometimes funerals.

A cop's wife watches the man she loves grow old before his time, watches him become cold and unfeeling, but she will remain his friend, wife and lover. She will always be these things to him, but she also knows that he will always be first, A Cop.

When a cop's wife kisses him as he leaves for work, she will make a silent wish that he will return to her. And every time there is a knock at the door, she will pray that it is not the Chief of Police and her husband's partner coming to say kind things about her husband, how brave he was, how dedicated he was.

Being a cop's wife means lots of trust, love and worry, but when he says "I love you", it makes it all worthwhile.


Smalltown RN said...

I was married to a Sheriff for 23 years. But here is Canada a sheriff's role in the judicial system is very different from the states. That being said, there are also similarities. Like the kind of people that surround them on a daily basis, the constant courses and upgrading, the seedier side of life that they see every day...but then compound that with the sheriff being married to an RN who works 12 hrs shifts. You become like two ships passing in the night. Leaving each other with instructions for the children, what's for dinner and quick kiss on the cheek as you head out the door for your night shift. Try as you might to maintain a bond, the shift work and takes hold and you end up leading seperate lives. Your idea of sharing a good laugh with each other is "what was the worst,thing you either saw or did today and can you top that"
I have always been intrigued how health professional end up with partners either in law enforcement or firefighting. I have so many nursing friends who are dating or married to one or the other. I wonder why that is. Is it because all those professions see the darker side of mankind? The devistation caused by drugs and alcohol. The physical and mental abuse. The mentaly ill, the street persons. The revolving door both of the health care system and judicial system that these folks use.
Oh Life.....

wil said...

I used to come home and tell my wife everything that happened during the shift. It was exciting at first. As experience grew and more time was spent on the dark side of life the stories became more graphic. Then I noticed the fixed, forced smile. The glazing of the eyes as she tried not to cringe at the gorier parts of the stories. It was having a detrimental effect on her psyche. I quit telling the stories when she started having nightmares. Would only relate the funny absurd rather than the funny weird.

We were together for 21 years, divorced right after I retired, almost 19 years ago. Our interests, our goals and our dreams no longer included each other, they hadn't for over a decade I always loved her. I always will. But we had become as compatable as oil and water.

She now lives in the Sierra Nevada foothills, I live on the island of Mau'i. We correspond every couple of months and she keeps me updated on the status of our grandkids.

Hope you don't mind this male perspective.

Anonymous said...

You girls have a tough job and you don't always get the recognition you deserve.

FroneAmy said...

Qualicum-It's interesting to me that you are a nurse...we were joking at the last cop party about how many cops are married to dispatchers or nurses...I am one of the few that isn't either. I don't know enough cop couples in a close manner to be able to compare how they met and whether it's a similar personality type that drew them together, or if they met thru their jobs.

Definitely don't mind the male perspective. Yours is an unfortunate case that is all too representative of the lifestyle. I encourage Jim to tell me as much about his day as he wants to talk about. I know there are things he doesn't tell me, for various reasons. He doesn't want to talk about it, fine. He knows I don't want to hear about it, good. He can't talk for investigatory reasons, I'm cool with that. I only worry about the times when he needs to talk about something particularly disturbing and doesn't. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

You also have a thankless, difficult job. So at least you have the bunnies like me who recognize you for what you are :)And the bunnies like me who suffer through the lonely nights and worries? Well, the time we spend with you boys makes it worth while.

Anonymous said...

BTW - Good night moon is a children's book I used to read to my best friend's oldest son when I was around and it was bedtime. He used to like to have "Uncle Bobby" read his bedtime story.

Guess I was thinking about that when I wrote it. :-)

Brent said...

Being one of the cops, I have to say that your post choked me up a bit. Thanks for being one of those wonderful wives.

cop'swife said...

um, rob the terrorist?

FroneAmy said...

That's his nickname; I won't use the cops' real names on the blog. I didn't give him the name; I am only repeating the nicknames they give each other. And only nicknames that they know about and are OK with. I realize some people might be offended by some of the names, but half the time they give eachother offensive names on purpose.

cathy said...

Wil, what is it with cops and their wives getting divorced right after retirement? The exact same thing happened to me.

We were married for 30 years when he retired. We got divorced right before our 31st anniversary.

It was like he lost all focus on life without the job (and badge) to keep him grounded. We had looked forward all our lives to retirement so we could travel and I would never again have to worry about my husband being killed while at work.

And then...WOW..Divorce happened.

Rebecca said...

Thanks for this post I really, really liked it. Well except for the line, "watches him become cold and unfeeling." I know it can be true, I just hope Chris never does this. I love that he tells me about his crappy calls along with his fun calls. From the sounds of your posts, your hubby doesn't sound "cold/unfeeling" either.

Anonymous said...

I am a cops kid. My dad was a deputy sheriff for 30+ years. I wouldnt wrap my whole identity up in being a cops wife because the one thing I noticed about my dad and his friends is the tendency to dump one wife and replace her with a new model. Divorce is rampant among police officers, just another sad way of how their life is affected by thier job.

FroneAmy said...

Haven't you noticed half the posts aren't about me being a wife? Or even about a cop's life? thanks for your concern, I think.