Saturday, July 29, 2006

the Purina Diet

I have a Golden Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hardas he staggered out the door


Anonymous said...

That's funny. On a sad note, there are elderly people out there that do eat canned dog/cat food because it's what their budget allows. Terrible.

La Spud said...

i thought charlie and holly were black...your sister is confused

lugosi said...

Every time I buy catfood at this one particular pet store, the cashiers will ask what kind of cat I have. I just tell them I don't have any pets, and that the beef & salmon flavor is especially good on wheat bread.