Sunday, July 30, 2006

Purell ought to be issued along with vests and tazers

So last night J sees this guy turn left on red. Yes, that's illegal here too. So he lights the car up, and the guy pulls over to the left. Not to the right. Guy's already running on two strikes before J even gets out of the car. J runs the plates, comes back with a warrant from a county on the other side of the state. Warrant for drug charges, failure to appear. Warnings on the guy state he has violent tendencies. J's already thinking he's drunk.

J walks up, asks for ID. Guy is from the middle east, with a very heavy accent and limited understanding of English. Guy rummages through glove box, grabs envelope of paperwork and hands it to J. He says, "No, your ID." The guy motions that J should take the envelope. He says, "No, you get it." The guy finally says he has no ID. He's also not wearing his shoes. Driving in his socks. Several condoms are spilling out of the glove box. His fly is unzipped. But he's alone in the car. Maybe he just likes to practice ultra safe sex, even by himself.

I'd like to take a moment to note that a glove box, or a wallet, is NOT a safe place for condoms. The heat breaks down the latex. Keep it wrapped, kids.

So J goes back to write the ticket, and his backup keeps an eye on the car. He double checks that he is outside the pickup radius for the warrant, and goes back to give the guy his ticket. Backup says "hey is your mike on?" J says yes. Backup says nevermind. J gives the guy his ticket, has him sign it, and asks if they can search the car. Nothing comes up. So they send the guy on his way.

J is completing the requisite paperwork, and reaches for his pen. The backup says "That guy was digging for gold while you were writing his ticket. All the way up to the second knuckle." Jim realizes all too quickly that he is holding the same pen that he had the guy sign his ticket with. Ew. Pen immediately drops.

Obviously this isn't the first time J's been in a situation with a less than savory person. He goes through more hand sanitizer than his sister did when her first child was born. Which is a GREAT thing.

LAPD Wife has an article on policewives about the top 10 things that we wives hear from regular Joe citizens. One of them is an insinuation that we must be kinky girls; we like to play dress up with the uniforms, or we like to be handcuffed. I have heard the cuffing thing more times than I care to remember. Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom (or living room, or dining room, or kitchen) is your own business. More power to you. And being restrained is certainly one of the more 'vanilla' of the kinks out there.

But the other cops (or cops wives) reading this blog will know what I'm talking about when I say I don't want those filthy things anywhere NEAR me, especially in an intimate setting. His cuffs have been on more disgusting people. In fact, I think you ought to have autoclaves at the stations to sanitize them after picking up all the crack whores, the filthy drug dealers, the drunks who've puked on themselves, etc. Ew!

1 comment:

Bobby said...

I purell and lysol my cuffs. They get all oiled and shined up once a month when I clean my weapon as well.

I still wouldn't want to put them on anyone I was being intimate with. Unless I went out and bought a pair specifically for that, and they never left the house. It's not my thing but if she were into it I guess I'd play along. :-)