Well, I haven't titled this post yet because I'm not sure how to.

Last week J happened to DVR some SWAT show, can't remember the name of it now, but it's new. The episode centered around a standoff in a metro area, man holding woman at gunpoint, and he spoke no English. Eventually the son showed up, things went haywire, and one of the eyes in the sky took down the man. The end of the episode focused on how the sniper was dealing with what he'd just done. As he walked to join the team, I thought it was well shot to show how he perceived everybody looking at him accusatorily. (I think I just made a word up!)

He went on to tell the psychiatrist he didn't need therapy. When he got home, his wife and son were waiting for him. J mentions that Col. Grossman writes and teaches about this, how people deal with killing someone as part of their job. Self-doubt, nightmares, etc.

While I realize most police officers never fire their weapons, I also realize that more often they do need to. I don't have statistics off hand, but I would be willing to wager it happens more now than it used to. And I sat there thinking, if that day comes, I wouldn't know how to help J cope with it. But because I know the potential is there, if I am smart I will prepare anyway. I want to be able to be his pillar in the days and weeks that would follow such an event.

Is it just the monster under the bed? Do I need to gird myself to help him through an event that may never happen? Should I attend a Killology class? Or do I just pray and have faith that J is never put through that trial?

Or do I need to stop taking network television so seriously?