Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Criminally Stupid

Really, sometimes it is criminal how stupid people can be. But it's funny how stupid criminals can be.

J gets a call to the Days Inn yesterday. Seems a guest had rockstar-style trashed the room. Light bulbs in the toilet. Furniture destroyed, up-ended, you name it. So J looks at the registration papers. Guy paid with cash, but left a valid phone number and they had copied his driver's license.

J calls the phone number.

"is this Robert Smith?"
"Is he available?"
"Not right now."
"Do you know when he will be available?"
"Uh....who's this?"
"Deputy J*** ****, I need to speak with Robert Smith."

(at this point in the re-telling I am cracking up. It sounds to me like he's having a conversation with Bill & Ted, or Beavis)

"Is this Robert?"
"What's your name?"
"Um. Rob?"
"Robert Smith?"
"Why did you lie to me?"
"um...I was trying to figure out who you were."
"I told you who I was before you lied to me."
"Did you stay at Days Inn last night?"
"You know they copied your drivers license when you checked in, right?"
"They want you to pay for all the damage you did to the room."
"I didn't do all that!"

Keep in mind that Robert is not looking at the room during this conversation, and has only his memory to remind him of what the damage is.

As I type this all out I realize it may not be nearly as funny written as it was in the telling. I assure you I was thoroughly amused, though. It helps if you hear the voice of this guy as Keanu Reeves in Bill & Ted.

1 comment:

Jason said...

Those guys are great. I had a guy once run out of gas who accepted my offer to drive him to the gas station. Once in my car, he pulled out his bag and cigar full of dope. When I arrested him he tried denying the dope was his and accused me of planting it on him.