awww

This is the Charlie Man.

grr

blogger will just not cooperate with me today. I am having the worst time trying to upload pictures. Anyone got any tips?

I just feel like being a grumpy bunny today. It's probably the heat. Grr.

Miami Vice

Well we saw Miami Vice last night. Originally when we heard there was going to be a Miami Vice movie, we both rolled our eyes, thinking it would be uber-cheesy, kinda like a Starsky & Hutch type remake. Then we heard it was being directed by Michael Mann. Then we saw a preview. Wow!

It was just as good as it looked from the previews. And not once did I hear J say "that gun wouldn't sound like that" or "those bullets wouldn't come from that gun". Heck, I didn't even get the "what gun is that?" pop quiz! What I'm getting at is that my husband really liked it. You probably will too.

Plus, Colin Farrell is super hot. He's definitely on my top 5 'freebie' list. Yum. I know some people think he's dirty, but he's just the right amount of dirty. Except for the smoking. But you know he'd be really good at it; that's why he's on my list. Isn't that why so many guys like Angelina Jolie?

Purell ought to be issued along with vests and tazers

So last night J sees this guy turn left on red. Yes, that's illegal here too. So he lights the car up, and the guy pulls over to the left. Not to the right. Guy's already running on two strikes before J even gets out of the car. J runs the plates, comes back with a warrant from a county on the other side of the state. Warrant for drug charges, failure to appear. Warnings on the guy state he has violent tendencies. J's already thinking he's drunk.

J walks up, asks for ID. Guy is from the middle east, with a very heavy accent and limited understanding of English. Guy rummages through glove box, grabs envelope of paperwork and hands it to J. He says, "No, your ID." The guy motions that J should take the envelope. He says, "No, you get it." The guy finally says he has no ID. He's also not wearing his shoes. Driving in his socks. Several condoms are spilling out of the glove box. His fly is unzipped. But he's alone in the car. Maybe he just likes to practice ultra safe sex, even by himself.

I'd like to take a moment to note that a glove box, or a wallet, is NOT a safe place for condoms. The heat breaks down the latex. Keep it wrapped, kids.

So J goes back to write the ticket, and his backup keeps an eye on the car. He double checks that he is outside the pickup radius for the warrant, and goes back to give the guy his ticket. Backup says "hey is your mike on?" J says yes. Backup says nevermind. J gives the guy his ticket, has him sign it, and asks if they can search the car. Nothing comes up. So they send the guy on his way.

J is completing the requisite paperwork, and reaches for his pen. The backup says "That guy was digging for gold while you were writing his ticket. All the way up to the second knuckle." Jim realizes all too quickly that he is holding the same pen that he had the guy sign his ticket with. Ew. Pen immediately drops.

Obviously this isn't the first time J's been in a situation with a less than savory person. He goes through more hand sanitizer than his sister did when her first child was born. Which is a GREAT thing.

LAPD Wife has an article on policewives about the top 10 things that we wives hear from regular Joe citizens. One of them is an insinuation that we must be kinky girls; we like to play dress up with the uniforms, or we like to be handcuffed. I have heard the cuffing thing more times than I care to remember. Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom (or living room, or dining room, or kitchen) is your own business. More power to you. And being restrained is certainly one of the more 'vanilla' of the kinks out there.

But the other cops (or cops wives) reading this blog will know what I'm talking about when I say I don't want those filthy things anywhere NEAR me, especially in an intimate setting. His cuffs have been on more disgusting people. In fact, I think you ought to have autoclaves at the stations to sanitize them after picking up all the crack whores, the filthy drug dealers, the drunks who've puked on themselves, etc. Ew!

the Purina Diet

I have a Golden Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hardas he staggered out the door

I'll get you my pretty...

So Wednesday night/Thursday morning, J is out and gets a call for a disturbance in a bar parking lot. Off they go, to find this guy tearing into his girlfriend. Gotta love a domestic, especially in public. Girlfriend is being uncooperative though, so they can't get this guy on much except disturbing the peace. I will never understand this to my dying day. How you could let someone beat up on you and not throw him in jail...anyway, so they are going to let him go with a skin, and the guy starts getting real belligerent and cocky, doing that chest-puffing tough guy intimidation thing. Not so smart when you are out-numbered by guys with guns. So he ends up on his face against a column. Does it again, says something smartass. Face, meet trunk. Now he's going to spend the night in jail.

So J's taking him to the jail, and the guy starts calling him Dorothy. Not exactly sure why, but the guy is drunk. So J says something about "yeah sure you're a tough guy now that you're in the back seat. Keep talking like that when you get to jail" and the guy says something about his red shoes! Now, I'm sure J was pretty pissed at this guy at the time, but in the re-telling, I am laughing hysterically! I was begging him to tell me that the guy had said "And your little dog, too!" Drunk people are funny. Well I take that back, they make funny stories.

Unfortunately the story ends with us not being able to eat at a certain restaurant now, because the guy is the GM there....dammit! Oh well, at least it's not "Don't eat there because we saw the kitchen and it's filthy"...that's happened more than once. Or my favorite, "don't eat there; they're selling crack out the drive-thru" !!!

Breasticles again??? WTF?

This is getting ridiculous. What is this, national boob day? Ed will get the hugest kick out of this story though...

This afternoon, I get home from work and hubby wakes up. Before we get dinner with his parents, we decide to go shopping quickly to get him a few new pairs of shorts. It's terribly humid again, so I throw on a tank top, leave my jeans on (love casual Fridays!) and we go to Old Navy. He picks out two pairs, goes to try them on real quick before we leave. Good thing, too, because they were too big. So I run back out to get the right size. There's a guy with his wife and kids, wearing sunglasses in the store, and I'm pretty sure he's staring at me. The uncomfortable neck position kinda gave it away. But I ignore it, grab the shorts, and go back. There he is again. *ugh*. J decides he wants them, we walk out. He goes to look at one more thing, and as soon as he's out of view, like magic here comes my blind friend. Still staring. But I tend to be a bit paranoid in public, so I dismiss it as me making it up. He is, after all, wearing sunglasses. Maybe he's a vampire. Who knows.

We go up to the register, and J takes a detour toward yet another display of shorts. And he's the one who wanted to hurry out of the store! But hey, if he's wandering, I'm taking advantage. I wander over to the women's clothes. I'll be damned if this guy wasn't stalking me! It's not like Old Navy is a boutique store! Anyway, then an employee is buzzing around, and says "Are you finding everything OK?"

Now, I worked at Old Navy in college, and I know it's policy to address your customers. Plus I don't need help shopping today, so I reply, "Yeah, thanks."

She says, in a conspiratorial tone, "Hey come here, I need to tell you something."

My gut reaction is that this is a sneaky sales pitch for her to get me to sign up for a credit card. Why? Because I already fell for it there. You get money back!

Anyway, she comes around the display and whispers to me, "I just wanted to let you know that your shirt is pretty see-through."

Oh CRAP!

So I respond, "Well that explains quite a bit then!" She laughs and says "I'd want someone to tell me if it was me so I figured I'd tell you." I said "I just can't believe my husband didn't tell me before we left the house!"

It's a good thing I'd spotted a comfy looking shirt not two minutes before hand. Ha ha, now I get to buy something today too!

Naturally, DH thinks this is the funniest thing in the world. But hey, at least I was right about the guy staring at me!

Ed will find this hysterical because when we were in college, he always used to yell at me for wearing a tank top without a bra.

I'm done with boobs, I swear!

BOOBIES!

OK so Babytalk magazine ran an issue of its magazine with a baby breastfeeding on the cover. Other than the fact that a baby wouldn't be feeding from anything on your body other than a breast, you can't even tell it's a breast. That could be a kid with its mouth on a fat arm.

All these people are freaking out about it. I mean, readers of the magazine! Mothers! With babies! That may or may not have breastfed! You have GOT to be kidding me, right? What's obscene about that? WHO CARES? If I see a woman breastfeeding in public, and I have very recently, I will look the other way out of respect for her. Not that I care, nor do I care if Jim sees it. I just figure she doesn't want people staring at her feeding her kid. I'm not going to block anybody's eyes or point her out or run away.

One of the readers wrote in to say that she didn't want her 13 year old son looking at it, because breasts are sexual.

I thought this was 2006, not 1706. This same woman probably thinks adulterers should wear scarlet letters on their chests, too.

I know there's always going to be perverts, but if we would stop 'putting the breast on a pedestal', to paraphrase 40-yr-old Virgin, it wouldn't be this exalted, never-before-seen, erotic fantasy world. It would just be a boob. Talk to any straight woman who has wondered why men are so obsessed with them, and you'll get the same response. "They're just tits."

hmph.

Not pregnant.

Why is it all these stupid fucking trashy people get pregnant ALL THE TIME; the drugged up 18 year olds who don't even WANT a kid, who can't afford one, who SHOULDN'T EVER BE ALLOWED TO BREED??

But when decent people of decent means, of a decent age, who want kids, can't?

I mean, what the FUCK?

My friend, my friend, he's got a wife

Yup, that's me. Shooting a friend's AR15 out in Apache Junction, AZ.



So J's uncle, who's also a cop, was relaying a story of how his wife, hereafter referred to as Aunt C, freaked out one night while he was out of town. She heard noise, grabbed a gun and a phone, and crawled out on the roof of their house. Called her son-in-law as 'back-up' (he drives a delivery truck) and waited. Nobody was in the house, so it was quite an amusing story. Especially picturing Aunt C (who's a little goofy but terribly lovable) in her nightgown on the roof.
There have been times when I have heard a noise, one or both of the dogs freaked out, and of course I grabbed one of the guns and went to investigate. But I've been trained to use them, too. If I hadn't ever fired a gun before, my husband would have taught me gun safety and usage anyway. Plus it's usually recommended that you familiarize your spouse with your weapons anyway, right? I guess I don't really think about it that much.

Except last week, when we found out our neighbor had been robbed at gun-point on the front porch. This was when we were still dog-watching my mom's two boys, and I have no doubt this was one of the (many) times they went bonkers when I was trying to sleep. I said to J, "What specifically do I do if someone is actually breaking into the house?"

His response? "Shoot them. Empty the clip. Don't warn them. Ask if it's me, and if it's not, they shouldn't be in the house. Shoot."

I don't think I would be scared of doing something if I absolutely had to, but it was kind of one of those moments where you go, "Holy crap." You actually start thinking very seriously about the whatifs. Would I actually kill someone for breaking into my house? Given that the dogs would probably alert me and the intruder, I somehow doubt this would ever happen. If someone is just breaking in to see what they can steal, I have a guess they're going to scram before anything happens. But what if?

My SIL is terrified of the guns. She hates to even see them when he takes them off. I personally think the fear is caused by not knowing anything about them. You can respect guns without fearing them. But right now she's not at a place where she can be more comfortable with them.

So I guess I'm wondering how you feel about it.
If you're a cop, have you/would you train your spouse? Do you expect them to be comfortable with a weapon? What if the above situation happened; what would you advise them to do?
If you're a spouse, do you know how to use the gun(s) correctly? Have you practiced? Are you comfortable?
If you're not in a cop family, how do you feel about guns?